Grace

Beth always loved her time at Grace's. She remembered that first time her father took her there. It was a small house, just two rooms, one for sleeping and one for everything else. There was a large hearth on one wall with a table and a couple of mismatched chairs nearby. There was a comfy chair and footstool sitting not far away. Beside the comfy chair was a basket of needle work. The lone window had a clean, starched white curtain. The house emanated warmth and love. You walked into the front door and the smells of baked goods would just soak into every pore. But when she saw Grace her eyes became as big as saucers. Grace was a stern, sever looking woman. She was tall, lean and you could tell that she meant business, someone you wouldn't want to cross. Beth remembered that out of fear she didn't want to let go of her father. Once her father left, Beth stood in that same spot for most of the morning. Grace was fixing some tea and she spoke for the first time saying "you going to stand there all day, girl?" Beth jumped almost out of her shoes. "Come on girl, I don't like to eat alone." said Grace. Beth almost fell over her own feet getting to the table. Soon Beth felt comfortable with Grace and came to love her. She found that next to her father, Grace was her favorite person. She worked hard to learn everything she could from Grace. At first she was quiet, afraid to say anything, then it was like someone opened the flood gates, the questions would not stop. Some days, Beth remembered, that she would barely get out one question before another would occur to her and would stumble over her words trying to ask both questions. Grace would say. "Slow down, girl, ask 'em one at a time. I sure can't answer 'em any faster." One day Grace laughed out loud at Beth when she tripped over her own feet trying to get the flour to the table and ended up with it all over her. This is when Beth realized that Grace, although expected obedience, was a loving and warmhearted woman. After that Beth found herself laughing at her own clumsiness and she felt as much at home at Grace's as she did in her own home.

Now that Beth was grown, she was doing her best to take care of her father. Nothing made her happier than looking after her father. She had noticed, of late, that something was bothering her him. She didn't like that he was troubled, but when she would talk to him about her concerns he would brush her off, " Oh, it's nothing, Li'l Beth, just thinking about what I have to do today." She knew that this was not the problem. There was something else. She had seen her father thinking about the day before and this was more serious. She was determined to find out what was bothering her father. That old man was here again yesterday, Beth remembered. 'I wander if he has something to do with her father's troubling thoughts.' Beth couldn't quite put her finger on it but that old man reminded of her of someone or something, she wasn't sure, bothered her though. "I'm going to have go see Grace today. Maybe she can shed some light on the situation with her father." Beth said to herself.

Beth..

Beth, is a tall girl, 5'9", slim, weighing about 130 lbs, muscular like a cat. Long lean muscles that are their with out being ostentatious. You know they are their because of the control she has over her body, but just standing their you only see the soft smooth curves a woman is suppose to have. Her hair is long, down just below the curve of her rump. Blacker than night yet with a shine that looks like the moon on the ocean. Thick and soft as silk, straight until you get to a few inches to the ends and then there is a slight curl. Her father always said that when she was a baby that she had masses of black curls. Beth, preferred to wear black, it allowed for her to hide in the shadows. But she looked best in blue, especially the color of sapphires. This would bring out the deep azure blue of her eyes.   Every boy in the village wanted her for their own and every girl hated her but secretly wanted to be her. She had been told since she was a baby that she was pretty. It is one of those things that when you have something it is not appreciated. Beth really didn't want to be pretty. She always hated those girls that would use their looks to get what they want. She didn't want anyone giving her something just because she was pretty. She wanted to earn it with her brains. Not only was she pretty but she was very smart. Intelligent, quick witted a very capable young lady. Except she was more tomboy than lady. Since her mother died her father tried his best to teach her the things that a lady should know. She was a very accomplished girl. She could read, and actually enjoyed reading, she played the piano like a pro. She could dance, and actually enjoyed dancing, at least with her father. When she came home from a dance she would always tell her father that the boys hands were sweaty. It was getting harder and harder to get Beth to go to those dances. Her father was at a loss. He knew she was going to have to get married so that she would have someone to support her. He was really getting worried as he knew he didn't have much time left. That old man came to see him again today. He is the same man that came to visit Beth's mother before she died.

She was a very independent girl and did everything she could to help her father. She was very young when her mother died but she remembered how hard it was on her father, trying to care for a young girl of 4 and try to keep food on the table. If it hadn't been for Grace, he would not have been able to manage. She told Beth's father to send the girl on over every morning and she would teach her the things a girl should know. Mumbling something about not having children of her own to teach the stuff . So Beth went everyday to Grace's home in the village. Grace taught her the basics like cooking, cleaning, rudimentary medical care, gardening among other things. Grace was kind and warm hearted. Yet she was stern and expected obedience. She was one of those kind of people that didn't like to repeat themselves, so Beth quickly learned to pay very close attention. It is not that Grace ever hit Beth for any reason, nor was there any shouting, it is just that you know when Grace was upset or angry. With Grace being the kind and warm person that she was you would not want to chance to upset her. Everyone felt this way about Grace. Grace was well loved and everyone would go out of their way to do what she wanted, and Grace liked it this way.

Tired

I'm tired. Tired to the point of almost giving up. How can I go on when every day is painful to the point that I think I'm loosing my mind. I'm sure you have heard the commercial  "depression hurts." Well that is an understatement. Some days I feel that my heart is going to sink to my feet it feels so heavy. All I have to do is get through one day at a time. But, continuing to live like that, one day at a time, never knowing from one day to the next if I'm going to feel up to getting dressed, getting out of bed, doing anything but sitting and staring into the unknown, not seeing anything and trying not to feel anything.

I know my family is worried. But I don't know what to do about that. I don't like that they are worried. So I think of alternatives to this way of life and all I see is the same thing day after day. Maybe if I just gave up. I know that sometimes I feel that hopeless. I know that my family would not have me to worry about. That would be one problem solved. But then I think what will it do to my family if I did give up. How would that affect them. Would it be worse than the worrying? I just don't know. I love my family and I don't want them to worry about me, but I also don't want them to hurt because of me.

I find myself in a conundrum. To live or die. That is the question that plagues me most days. I'm tired and really wish I could just give up. Maybe the next time around things will be less something, I don't know what, but less...

I recently told Liz that if not for my lack of job and the depression and anxiety  my life would be really pretty good. After all, I'm physically healthy, I have beautiful healthy kids and granddaughter. My siblings are not in the best of health but they are getting by, or so it seems. My sisters kids are doing well enough. My mother is getting older and having the problems that the old have. She is going to have her other knee replaced. I worry about her going into the hospital. The last time one of my parents went into the hospital it was for a routine procedure only to die before he could come home. I do miss Dad. God only knows why though. I have spent all of my adult life complaining what a creep he was, a terrible father. Sometimes I think the  only reason I miss him is because I don't have that hate anymore. You get use to having that feeling day-in and day-out that when it is gone you mourn its loss.

Well, enough about this being tired. It is Liz's birthday. She is going to be, dare I say it, 34. I find it really hard to believe that she is that old or that I am old enough to have a 34 year old child. I love her though even if she does make me feel old. Have a good day my little Lizzie.

Is it meant to be?

A Facebook friend lost her job and she of course is bummed. One of her friends posted a comment to this. They said that this has happened for a reason. Their excuse was that one door was closed so that a better one could open. 

Please... 

If there is a plan for our lives why are we able to make choices? If no matter what we choose we will end up at the finish line, then why do we bother. Hey if this were true I could just stay in bed and do nothing because there is a plan for me and my life and no matter what I do I will get there. 

I'm outraged by the thought that there might be a plan for my life. I have been working hard to make the right choices. Those are the choices that will get me and my loved ones the most happiness in life. Now I hear that it doesn't matter what choices I make I'm going to end up wherever I'm "destined" to be.

NO! There is no plan, no such thing as fate. We are destined only by the choices we make. You make decisions that mean something. It matters whether you get out of bed in the morning. It matters if you eat or not. It matters whether you love or not. Your choices matter. 

It is the choices we make that determine the direction that our life will go not some "grand plan". We make our dreams come true or not. 

Something we do have to remember is the other people on this planet also make their own choices. Oftentimes their choices will affect us. This doesn't in any way mean that our lives are destined or ruled by fate. It is still a choice. When others make choices that affect us we have to make a choice on how we will react.

We just need to remember not to give up on our dreams and the choices that will get us there. If you run into a road block don't just sit there "having faith" that something better will come along. Make a choice, how are you going to get around the road block. So we can't take that road. There is always another way. If you have to take a step back to get a better view, that is okay. You will have more information to make a better choice. 

The only finish line we are all "destined" to face is death. So why not make the best of it. Make the time you have here as happy as possible. Don't stress the "small stuff". Pray for help with the "big stuff", and have faith that God will help. Make the choices that will give you a happy life. That you will arrive at the end without regrets. 

Laugh! Love! Live!

Man's Downfall - What Happened?

First some history and instructions, the following is from Genesis 2:7-9, 15-17, 21-23

And Jehovah God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul. Further, Jehovah God planted a garden in E′den, toward the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. Thus Jehovah God made to grow out of the ground every tree desirable to one’s sight and good for food and also the tree of life in the middle of the garden and the tree of the knowledge of good and bad.

And Jehovah God proceeded to take the man and settle him in the garden of E′den to cultivate it and to take care of it. And Jehovah God also laid this command upon the man: “From every tree of the garden you may eat to satisfaction. But as for the tree of the knowledge of good and bad you must not eat from it, for in the day you eat from it you will positively die.”

Hence Jehovah God had a deep sleep fall upon the man and, while he was sleeping, he took one of his ribs and then closed up the flesh over its place. And Jehovah God proceeded to build the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman and to bring her to the man.

Then the man said: “This is at last bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman, Because from man this one was taken.”

Now that we know the history let's take a look in as the drama unfolds showing us the downfall of man. The following is from Genesis 3:1-7

Now the serpent proved to be the most cautious of all the wild beasts of the field that Jehovah God had made. So it began to say to the woman: “Is it really so that God said YOU must not eat from every tree of the garden?” At this the woman said to the serpent: “Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat. But as for [eating] of the fruit of the tree that is in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘YOU must not eat from it, no, YOU must not touch it that YOU do not die.’” At this the serpent said to the woman: “YOU positively will not die. For God knows that in the very day of YOUR eating from it YOUR eyes are bound to be opened and YOU are bound to be like God, KNOWING good and bad.”

Consequently the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was something to be longed for to the eyes, yes, the tree was desirable to look upon. So she began taking of its fruit and eating it. Afterward she gave some also to her husband when with her and he began eating it. Then the eyes of both of them became opened and they began to realize that they were naked. Hence they sewed fig leaves together and made loin coverings for themselves.

God had just placed Man in the garden of E'den and created a wife for him. He gave him a beautiful place to live with plenty of good food to eat and work to keep him busy. There was only one restriction on him and his bride, "the tree of the knowledge of good and bad you must not eat". What a happy time this must have been. The man Adam had just been presented with his wife, Eve. They had a beautiful home and satisfying work. So what happened? As perfect humans they had no ills or pains. Their every want and need being fulfilled. Why did they rebel against God?

As most everyone know the serpent mentioned here in Genesis is Satan. "So down the great dragon was hurled, the original serpent, the one called Devil and Satan" Revelation 12:9. Satan was the instigator of this rebellion in E'den. He lied to Eve. He told her that God had lied to her. What do you suppose she would gain if she was "bound to be like God, KNOWING good and bad." Would it be possible for her and her husband to rule themselves without God?

So, what happened next? Let's take a look, Genesis 3:8-13

Later they heard the voice of Jehovah God walking in the garden about the breezy part of the day, and the man and his wife went into hiding from the face of Jehovah God in between the trees of the garden. And Jehovah God kept calling to the man and saying to him: “Where are you?” Finally he said: “Your voice I heard in the garden, but I was afraid because I was naked and so I hid myself.” At that he said: “Who told you that you were naked? From the tree from which I commanded you not to eat have you eaten?” And the man went on to say: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me [fruit] from the tree and so I ate.” With that Jehovah God said to the woman: “What is this you have done?” To this the woman replied: “The serpent—it deceived me and so I ate.

So they have confessed of their sin and Eve knows that Satan lied to her. So what now, did it look to you like that Adam and Eve were sorry? If it had been you or I being born imperfect this would have made a difference, but they were perfect. They did not have the tendency to do wrong as we have. They had to make a conscience effort to sin against God. It is no different than Satan, who was also created perfect. They all made a decision to do what they did, to go against God, their creator. This was unforgivable and there was no going back. 

Now for the consequences of their actions. Genesis 3:14-19

"And Jehovah God proceeded to say to the serpent: “Because you have done this thing, you are the cursed one out of all the domestic animals and out of all the wild beasts of the field. Upon your belly you will go and dust is what you will eat all the days of your life. And I shall put enmity between you and the woman and between your seed and her seed. He will bruise you in the head and you will bruise him in the heel.” 

To the woman he said: “I shall greatly increase the pain of your pregnancy; in birth pangs you will bring forth children, and your craving will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.” 

And to Adam he said: “Because you listened to your wife’s voice and took to eating from the tree concerning which I gave you this command, ‘You must not eat from it,’ cursed is the ground on your account. In pain you will eat its produce all the days of your life. And thorns and thistles it will grow for you, and you must eat the vegetation of the field. In the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return.”

So there it is, the downfall of man. 

But what is this thing "your seed" and "her seed" about which God is telling Satan? Stay tuned and I will let you in on a little secret.  

More to Come

Religion: A Controversial Topic

Religion

For me it is a no-brainier that we as mankind and our universe were created. That dictates that there has to be a higher power that did the creating. What do you believe?

Belief in God is now and always has been my center. Without this belief, why are we here. Are we only here to live and die, nothing more? If so, why do we want a meaning for our existence? If we are just to be born, live a few years then die, why do we fear death? 

Some people believe that we are born, live and then die and go to heaven if we are good or hell if we are not. If this is so, why are all the good people not wanting to die? Don't we all want to be with God?

God created the earth as a place for Man to live and heaven for the spirit creatures to live. Think about this, what was the punishment for their (Adam and Eve) disobedience? It was death. So if we are to die and go to heaven to be with God, what would be the punishment in that? That sounds like a reward. 

So you say Adam and Eve went to hell.

But what about the scripture at 1 John 4:8 "He that does not love has not come to know God, because God is love." Would a loving God condemn sinners to a burning torment? It is hard to believe that a loving God would do this. As parents would we punish our children with a fiery torment because they disobey us? Do we love our children any more than God loves his creation? NO! The punishment was death, to cease to live or exist. At Genesis 2:15-17 it says the following

"And Jehovah God proceeded to take the man and settle him in the garden of E′den to cultivate it and to take care of it. And Jehovah God also laid this command upon the man: “From every tree of the garden you may eat to satisfaction. But as for the tree of the knowledge of good and bad you must not eat from it, for in the day you eat from it you will positively die.”

There is nothing there about Heaven or Hell. Consider Ecclesiastes 8:5 as it speaks of the condition of the dead.

"For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages, because the remembrance of them has been forgotten." 

Scripturally, death is a state of nonexistence. The dead have no awareness, no feelings, no thoughts. This is something that a loving God would do to those who sin against him.

What would have happened had Adam and Eve not sinned against God? If their punishment for sin was death doesn't it stand to reason that if they had never sinned they would never have died? If they had never sinned then their offspring would not be imperfect, they would never have died either. It was their sin that made them and us imperfect. It was/is this imperfection that result in death. Where would the world of mankind be if Adam had not sinned?

Another thought, what would be the purpose of Jesus sacrifice if when we are good we go to heaven and if we are bad we go to hell. His sacrifice would be useless. But if it were as the scripture found at John 3:16 says we would have "everlasting life"...

 “For God loved the world so much that he gave his only-begotten Son, in order that everyone exercising faith in him might not be destroyed but have everlasting life."

Jesus died so that we could live forever. So why do we still die?

More to Come

Giving a 110%

What does it mean to "give a 110%".

Who is to say what is a 100%? There is not a standard 100% for everyone. Each of us is different. So what is  100% for one person is not 100% for another.

Only we can say what is 100% for ourselves. Since we are all different, you may not be able to do some of the things that I can do and vise-versa. Even with the things that we all can do, there are factors in our personalities and make up that make our 100% different for the next person.

Also, our 100% can change from day to day. There are many things that can contribute to our ability to give the same 100% from one day to the next. An example of this would be if we were sick, we would not be able to perform as we do when we are not sick.

Can any of us do what we believe we cannot? The answer to that is no. Granted if we try we might be able to do this thing we believe we can't. It would also take practice to get a measure of expertise. As long as we give a 110% we will improve. The amount of the improvement will be based on what we are actually capable of doing.

Doing 100% is working within your comfort zone, going just to the boarder. To give 110% is to work outside of your comfort zone. All of us find this a little frighting, even scary. Some are thrill by this feeling. They are encourage to give the 110% just to get the feeling of fear, thereby increasing their comfort zone. These who are not afraid of fear continue to grow, to excel.

There are those that are disabled by fear. Some of these people are so afraid of fear they will not give 100%.  Some will only do 90 or even 80% just to make sure they do not go outside their comfort zone. This can cause negative repercussions. Their comfort zone will shrink. Thereby their efforts reduce to keep them from what they fear the most, which is fear itself. I know from personal experience that there are factors beyond our control that can contribute to this problem. Because of these factors the comfort zone continues to shrink and before you know it you are afraid to do anything because it is to scary.

To give a 110% is to give 10% more than you think you can do, to step outside your comfort zone 10%.